More than anything I am a kite in the wind, moving according to weather,
client budget approvals, contractor availability and schedules, equipment
breakdowns, hidden surprises on site. I fly around in utter randomness. Fort
St. John today, Weyburn tomorrow.
For as long as I have been in Kung Fu, my schedule is best described as
“loose”. I have never been able to say indefinitely that I would be at my son’s
birthday, never been able to schedule a camping trip. Scheduling dinner with friends, or a social
event is pretty much none existent in our household, unless it is last minute.
Ironically, to be accountable is everything to me. I hate to disappoint. Under promise, overachieve is the mantra I
wish to live by. So, with a schedule
like mine I naturally get leery of commitment.
Eventually you withdraw, don’t commit to anything, and thereby remove
the possibility of disappointing anyone.
It’s not a good system, because under promising shows no progression, no
accountability, and is really mediocre.
I have not really found a solution to this problem.
This could be the reason why attempting to achieve a black belt this I
Ho Chuan year was a pretty tough decision for me. Knowing the involvement that is expected, and
on the other hand knowing realistically my availability makes the decision
difficult. More often than not, I ask
myself whether this is something I can truly achieve. It is, from many different angles, one of the
most difficult things I have attempted.
I am in a very tough time of the year.
Demo’s, Kung Fu workshops, and most recently boot camp are items that
have flown past. I see the pictures, I
read the blogs, I hear about the great benefit of all involved. Every time I drive past the park in Stony, I
wonder if I could perform my rope dart form on the bridge over the pond like
last years demo….I rack my brain on how I can get there, be involved, show
commitment, progression, all these things without a physical presence. It is difficult…..very difficult.
All I can say is that I need to be prepared when the opportunity will
present itself. That means showing
progression and being accountable when it counts.
Your engagement and efforts at the kwoon are always top notch and never questioned. The different grading schedule happened this year because you definitely earned it. Stay optimistic Sihing, you are definitely on the right path. We missed you yesterday but we understand why you could not attend. As long as you keep working like you have been, all is going to be well.
ReplyDeleteVince there is not much that I can say that you don't already know. But what I do know about myself being in that boat for two decades and finding myself paddling it again, is maintaining and or restoring mental strength and momentum, Is most important. Do what you need to do to stay mentally strong! Hang in there. Hopefully see you soon!
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