Lost presence, NOT due to alien abduction

Time and Space.  It’s as miraculous an invention as life itself.  If it’s not kept, it passes by all that much quicker.  One day molds to the next and the next.  Routine, whether it is good or bad eventually becomes what you believe as normal.  I am looking back at this past summer in reflection and am asking what has happened? If you are away and do what you can to stay involved from a distance there is a fulfillment.  I have now realized the most important thing when you are away for long periods, over and above pushups, situps, form repetitions and personal goals is blogging.  In the past I did not see people face to face, but still felt part of the group moving forward.

This year has been different.  Here is the circumstance.  Pulled out to work for a stretch, returned when possible back to the kwoon in the spring.  Faced with the disappointment of a board break that was unsuccessful, brought in question and doubt.  Following this, headed back out to work and was faced with camp life in northern Alberta with no internet, aside from very patchy coverage on my phone, no realistic way to follow journals or blog. A couple weeks enveloped in work and routine had become behaviour.

Here I am in Drumheller currently, and realize one season of not paying attention to time and space has become an issue for my Kung Fu.  I am very far behind in everything, but seeing the end of the season approaching perhaps there is a renewed sense of urgency.  I am not even close to where I was hoping I would be at this time of year.  It makes me nervous to even return to the Kwoon because I feel very far behind.  So, for those of you that I run into hopefully in a couple weeks or so; upon my return, please have patience with me.  The time is short, but I will get back in the game.

Thanks again to those texts and words of encouragement from some of my teammates, they were very much appreciated.

Post Run Thoughts

The Death Race is one of those strange circumstances where the memory of the misery is quickly erased by the memory of the experience.  Why do people come back time and time again and why are longer and more grueling races cropping up every year offering more pain, and more misery than the others.  Thinking more on this my blog is quickly going to deviate from its original content.

The most common question, Why run the Death Race?  One answer may be “because it’s called the Death Race”.  Similarly to Sir Edmund Hillary’s response “ because it’s there” in response to climbing Mt. Everest.  Is there an element of this attitude of self-servitude in all we seek to accomplish? To achieve something others have not, to belong to a club exclusive. While there is a select few of humans that run marathons, there is an even greater few that stick with the martial arts for longer than six months, a blue belt even less, a black belt scant few, never mind a seventh degree. 

Training in the martial arts I understand why I do it.  There is a list of reasons a mile long.  Most important to me, is seeing the positive value it has within my life, including my health, my confidence, my control, and my relationships.  But pondering on the Death Race, and really thinking about why every race coordinator is shooting for the title “toughest ultra-marathon in North America!” I begin to investigate a little further.  I believe that challenges in these forms are filling a void in many humans for the wrong reasons.  There is an ongoing attitude that my accomplishment because it is exclusive diminishes yours.

Why then do I run to the back to pick up a broom from a toiling black belt.  Is this exclusivity, not contradictory to what I just wrote.  No.  Because I am not picking up the broom to save the black belt toil, or because they have earned the right not to do such tasks.  I pick up the broom because it is a training opportunity and the black belt gives me the broom because they recognize there is a far higher value in an accomplishment that is achieved under the dome of humility and respect. 

An accomplishment achieved without arrogance; An achievement valued on its merit as to how it fits into serving me in my life.  This is a good approach and seems to be what I observe more often in Silent River martial artists and less so in other activities. It is probably why it seems so exclusive, (not by choice) because it tends to remove arrogance and fails to fuel many peoples need for recognition and status.  This is ironic because martial arts currently have belt and ranking system, and tends to cause a misnomer that mastery is driven by these negative factors.

This is probably why I enjoyed running on a team with 4 Silent River team mates.  The race never defined us, the experience did.  Thanks to everyone, it was a wonderful experience this year.

On another note, thanks to everyone from the I Ho Chuan that have been checking in on me, and just keeping me in the loop.  I really appreciate that!

Until next week.

 

Vince.

Closet Weapons

I have jumped onto blogger and looked back towards my last post.  Whoaaa!  Way behind here.  First an update.  I recently came from Lloydminster down to Medicine Hat, then back to Grande Prairie, and now in Weyburn Saskatchewan.  It has been extremely long drives, and tight time lines to get back and forth across the province dealing with equipment break downs and foul weather. My schedule will be to complete work here this Wednesday, drive to Grande Prairie to pick up a trailer and on to Grande Cache for Death Race check-in on Friday.  Following that, back to a small job in Redwater, up to High Level, then back to Grande Prairie.  I won’t be likely around the Kwoon any time soon, which is a shame.

One issue I am running into this year;

Walk to a park with a Katana, and you get some very strange looks and potentially a ticket for public mischief.  True, some of the problem can be avoided with a switch out to a bokken, but I really would like to get some reps in with my weapon.  I hate being in the closet with weapon practice, but the truth is, being in various unfamiliar locations across the province, it is very difficult to find a location that is private and safe for weapon practice.  Any thoughts on this?

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An uplifting photo on the road

This week I have spent in Medicine Hat, previously in Lloydminster, scheduled to move straight to Grande Praire, then back to Weyburn Saskatchewan which will run me right to the Death Race weekend located in Grande Cache at the end of the month.  Pheww. After enduring a flooded worksite, and problems with contractors over the last weekend, it has really caused me to take a step back and remember what matters most to me.  It is easy to get distracted in the work environment. 

Just when I thought I had reached an all-time low, a rainstorm goes over, lights up an awesome rainbow and all of a sudden my perspective changes.  At first thinking this was a sign I needed pizza, then looking closer and realizing this had a lot more significance to me than I initially thought. I snapped a shot of it outside my hotel door to remember it by.

 

 

 

 

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Demo Perspective

Today was bitter sweet.  Firstly it was the first day back in the Kwoon since my work departure weeks ago.  It was a chance to see the blood sweat and tears that have went into the demo for Canada Day.

As always, when you have been part of something from the beginning, and have repeated it many times, it is difficult to step back and see the progress you are making. There are few advantages to being on the outside of an event like this one, but one thing it does afford me is a clear perspective on the product that has been developed in my absence..

Watching this demo I equated to the motivational boost of the black belt ceremony.  It was inspirational to see how far each person, and the team had come since I had left.  To everyone involved it was AWESOME!  It was affirmation to me why this group of people are the ones I choose to be around.  Watching the demo makes me proud and extremely honored that I can be a part of this.

This could not have come at a better time, as currently I have been struggling with the transition of being away.  To those of you at the Kwoon today that I had a chance to speak with, thank you for your words of kindness, motivation and support, they are much appreciated, as are your comments and blog postings which I have resorted to following regularly.

To everyone in the Demo on Monday, we will see you there. I can’t wait to experience it, and offer any support I can!  Good Luck!  

vincekrebs.blogspot.com

Who is captain of this sinking ship?

Good morning! There is a seven course breakfast awaiting you.  Your feet are cold?  Well here are some extra fuzzy slippers. You don’t need to go to work today. I have paid all the bills for the month.  Here is your fishing rod. Your chauffeur awaits in the limo outside to take you to any trout stream you wish.

I step out onto the porch but something is dreadfully wrong.  It’s dark out, and snowy and cold. BAAAAAAM! Frozen steel toe work boot kicks me in the backside and knocks me off of the slippery porch, bounce off the frozen oak tree and land in a patch of prickly rose bushes.  Yup, it’s June again and this is the transition I knew was coming.  No more face time in class, no chance of taking in practice and demo’s, no more meeting team mates to knock off a personal goal.   

So here I lie on my back, goose egg on my forehead, prickles stuck in my neck, snowy cold ground surprisingly comforting on my bruised backside.  How long do I lie here and sulk. If I stay too long I am likely to doze off and become a permanent popsicle.   

Once again chopped from the nurture of the Kwoon and the team. It is really easy to forget how to become self-sufficient.  I have been laying here in the cold snow for long enough, it’s time to change. 

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Maintenance is not Mastery

I am one of the first people to say if you don’t like your circumstances, than change them.  Heaven knows I hear my share of complaining from unsatisfied people in their choice of career.  But after a short stint out to Saskatchewan, I am finding that commitments are causing an increasing unrest.  As the time jar is starting to fill with work commitments, other items are spilling out onto the table in disarray. 

The big concern is moving into “Maintenance Mode” as Sifu described.  At this point in time maintenance mode is not good enough.  I really feel like I have to be moving forward in my Kung Fu, I am just not sure of the approach to take. Missing on a board break this past demo was a harsh reinforcement that maintenance is not mastery.

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On the road.

Well time is tight this week, I am currently out of town for work.  This could be the start to a long period of time away from training at the Kwoon.  What is important to me now is to fall back to the processes I know for keeping what is important front and center. Going back to my journals may be good.  Spring last year was full of stress trying to figure things out, fall was considerably better.  But really the main difference was my attitude. 

Eat properly, get sleep when I can, stay connected with journals.  That’s a start.

Hey Everybody, meet Newman!

He looked into my eyes, and I looked into his……eight eyes. He looked at my two skinny white legs and I looked at his…..eight strong hairy legs. He looked at my teeth designed mostly for chewing plant food, and I looked into his…..fangs designed to rip insect flesh.

Right now I am only here because my wife has forced me to drive to this pet store in order to hold a tarantula. Only one question goes through my mind….where did I go wrong in choosing a wife.

Holding a tarantula was a goal I set for myself in the I Ho Chuan after my oldest son (who loves all insects and spiders) held a very large tarantula with no fear whatsoever. This was no doubt going to be one of the greatest challenges I had ever faced.

I am Arachnophobic. Size certainly matters, but even very small ones REALLY bother me, especially if they are quick. No matter how many times I have told myself that the fear is irrational and unhealthy, I could not overcome this. I have gotten light headed and nearly passed out from seeing them in the hands of pet store attendants in the past.

So on with my exposure therapy, which is the most common way of treating such phobias. Now the key to exposure therapy is to ensure the experience is not negative. So when asking about the small toonie sized one clinging to the back of his cage and getting the response, “That one might not be a good one for handling” made me very anxious.

The pet store “handler”, (I call them that because they are as brave as those that tame lions and tigers) pulled the container down to the floor and off came the lid. There had already grown a crowd around the isle to see all the commotion. At the site of the rose hair tarantula the 6.5 foot mountain of a man beside me let out a shutter and a“whooah!” which probably didn’t impress his girlfriend much, and certainly didn’t impress me.

I backed away, all the mental preparation up this point got flushed down the toilet and I responded saying “I don’t think I can do this” and was ready to move along. Stephanie, in all her support told me she would do it first, and sure enough, she did.

Well, pull out the focus again, and lay down your hand Vince. I asked if it could bite, and she said, “it probably won’t” which really was not a confidence booster. The creature crawled on to my hand, probably wondering why the ground suddenly got so wet and clammy. I could not believe how gentle this animal was. He strolled half way up my arm with a very thin string of silk coming from his abdomen.

And that was that! One of the toughest things I have done wrapped up in a short 30 seconds. I now have a new friend, he has eight legs, eight eyes, soft furry legs, and I have named him.....Newman.

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May 9

Since May 9, 2009 this day has been a very significant and personal day for our family.  May 9 has always entailed doing something special with the kids.  This year was no different.  It was spent in the valley of the five lakes in Jasper.

On a day like today, I am thankful for so many reasons. Skinny white legs in cold clear lakes, excitement over a captured grasshopper, spending time with my wife and boys.  No matter how busy this week had become, it was just important to shuffle it all aside and take time for what mattered.

Wasteful thinking

I think about waste….alot.  Every item I unpack that is wrapped in 5 layers of plastic, 3 layers of cardboard and multiple pages of warranty and service instructions in three languages is bothering. 

I think recycling, while a very good idea, is morphing into an excuse to be wasteful.  Take for example the 20lbs of flyers that landed on my doorstep the other day.  All of about three of those pages I have any interest in.  Now instead of cancelling the delivery of those flyers years ago, I justified the process by having a blue bin in the household.  Drop the papers in, forget about it.

The purpose of recycling is to reduce waste, not justify more consumption.  If we look at items for more than its exterior, but really have an appreciation for what went into making this product. In a sense empathetic to its creation, for instance, what went into making that steak you are having for supper.  The sun’s energy, the processes involved in the growth of the grass and the nutrients consumed in its growth.  The energy and nutrients consumed while the animal travels and feeds. The time and energy that went into the growth of that animal.  The animals life itself.

It almost makes me want to turn into a vegetarian. At the very least though, it makes me think of the amount in which I consume, to consider that my consumption does not go without a cost not matter what it is.

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Stay calm while your hair is on fire.

Stay calm.  Why is this important? 

Take for example a fella who today is anything but Captain Cautious. Probably due to the cold medication he is on. He heads out to his shop and sparks up a project on the work bench.  Now a MIG welder throws heavy sparks, so he is extra cautious.  He moves the jerry can of gasoline off to the side, he might even put the lid back on, and might shove the propane tank out from under his feet.  Whoa! What about that big stack of oily rags right there.  Good thing I…. I mean ‘He’ is super safe this time.  That could have been dangerous.

No one could have foreseen the next few events. I mean, what are the odds that welding sparks would fly through the air a good 24 inches, land still ignited in a rusty bucket of bent nails, burn through a perfectly good plastic shopping bag, ignite the fuse that was attached to a semi-to very long string of Black Cat fire crackers. (yes, they may have been brought across the border by one of his shady friends around the past 4^th of July).

In the panic that ensues, a calm, collective reaction is unlikely.  More likely this fella ends up dropping the MIG welder into the puddle of water at his feet that is the result of seeping water under a wall of his shop from backed up ice against a foundation.

Forget about 1000 rounds of sparring how about “1000 Ways to Die”. 

I guess the lesson here is to expect the unexpected.  The unexpected being the frightened animal response that instinctively rises when you combine electricity, hot metal, explosives and a nincompoop


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From Bokken to Blade

Here, grab this spitting cobra by the tail.  Swing it around a bit.  Watch out, its teeth are sharp!  That’s me with a Katana in my hands.  When I close my eyes, the differences between this and the Bokken are immense. I feel the handle....its longer, but the grip is quite positive in the hand in comparison to the Bokken.  The balance is very different, and so is the weight.  I have also noticed the sloppiness in my bokken practice is just amplified here.  If the blade isn't swung correctly, it responds in turn.  Everything about this feels foreign, and dangerous.

I was thinking the transition would more seamless, but just a couple minutes with this and I am quickly realizing why they are two different weapons.  There are certainly similarities, but I am thinking now there are as many differences.  I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and am currently wondering what a form would look like with the scabbard on.

I was really excited about my weapon choice, but now I am a little nervous.  At this stage it feels like I am at square one again, and here I think, is there any way I can do this awesome weapon justice.  Most importantly, can I do it without lopping off my limbs.

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Watermelon Trapezoids

Our wives had given us a very simple task that sunny afternoon.  Cut the watermelon up and bring it out to us on the deck to enjoy in good company.  So in the kitchen, my good friend of many years grabbed a sharp knife and began massacring the fruit.  I mean he cut it into spheres, prisms, even tesseracts.  Looking over at him his answer came quick to the curios look on my face.  He said to me, “Vince…if you do a job poorly enough the first time you will never be asked again.” 

What does it exactly mean to be mediocre? Does this mean a poor snow shovelling job on a neighbors walk, an unmaintained vehicle, or spelling errors in a blog post for that matter are signs of mediocrity?  Going back over the definition of mastery offered by Stewart Emery I am bouncing this around a bit and not sure where I will land.

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What happened to the good neighbor?

Too much snow, too little drainage, too much City inaction, too little community involvement.  That has been the story for the last three days as a frozen city drain has caused some substantial flooding outside the homes in our crescent.  The city has done nothing, the people affected have done nothing.

While the kids are enjoying floating their water tubes on lake Edmonton, I have been working at pumping the water to another functional drain.  It has certainly been a time waster.  The biggest disappointment however, has been the community involvement.  At least 10 houses have been affected by the problem.  Over the past three days only one person has come to help out with the situation. 

I think this really is a sign of the times.  There is a real attitude of ‘someone else will solve my problems’.  I am pretty certain if my neighbors were SRKF members the situation would be different.  More than ever I wish the world could follow our lead.

 vincekrebs.blogspot.com

Put down those Muncho Chips

Persistent, compulsive dependence on a behaviour or substance.

This thought came to me as I watched a track hoe operator take a deep drag on a cigarette while standing over the fuel nozzle pumping diesel into his equipment. Hmmm, should I make haste over to captain obvious and let him know why this might not be a good idea, or let events unfold and tally 7 billion acts of kindness as I rid the world of another rubby?

Drugs, Alcohol, Cigarettes, Pringle chip crumbs sprinkled over ice cream.  Sometimes after 4 bowls I wish I was addicted to Cigarettes, at least that I might be able to quit.

Thinking on this there are many things that I do in a week that are habitual and by the looks of the line-up for their double double in Drayton Valley this morning, I am not the only one. This week I have recognized that many of my little addictions can be handled by a concept that I read in an Oilfield safety orientation.  The concept of STOP and THINK.  This is process where the company encourages people to briefly stop actions, and reflect on the potential hazards of what they are doing.  Adjust their activity to make things as safe as possible.

This works for these little obnoxious habits during a week.  As I reach for a bottle of vitamin water as I have for the past 10 mornings I STOP and THINK.  Instead of mindlessly going about my habit, I think of the opportunity cost of this action.  Implications of the bottle and waste, the implications of a substance that isn’t the greatest for my body, and the lost opportunity of drinking a real glass of water.

This week I challenge the I Ho Chuan group to identify those nagging little habits you may have during a week (facebook, coffee, T.V.) STOP and THINK for a moment, consider what you are foregoing in that decision before you continue.

While watching a bear juggle a stick on You Tube is amusing, by taking that quick reflective moment, I have just found that opportunity to finish my blog for this week.

Mindful Steps

Tonight my wife and I returned from a holiday skiing to Sunshine Village.  While we were in Banff we drove to Johnson’s Canyon.  In short, it is a trail that sees over 1 million tourists every year, and as such the snow pack that falls on the catwalk’s that stretch along the edges of the canyon are more ice than snow.  Most people travelling it do so with crampons or snow cleats at the very minimum.  We didn’t have this luxury so we took our time to get to the waterfall. 

On one of the sections we were walking, Stephanie asked why I wasn’t slipping as often, and my automatic response was, because I walk with intent.  (In reality it had everything to do with footwear but I didn’t tell her that!)

In Kung Fu training, we often hear Sifu mention about training with intent.  Mindful practice of Kung Fu, to me means something more than getting in my repetitions.  I think sometimes when we are faced with the goals of the I Ho Chuan we get number focused and forget the reason for the numbers. Slapping in several repetitions of a form in a day without being mindful of what we are doing can be slow and painful.

Time is very precious, and this week, I am going to focus on quality, not quantity in my training.  At the end of this I Ho Chuan year, I do not want to pat myself on the back for time I wasted in mindless practice.

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A Case for Class

I am a Jedi, with the power to influence the minds of those around me. OK, Ok, I can’t use THE FORCE to choke you out in a grappling match Darth Vader style, or distract you by planting a Village People song in your head while sparring.

The kind of influence I believe we all have is much more subtle, and it comes in the form of attendance.  I am not going to win a student attendance record anytime soon, and feel a little hypocritical for writing about this.  I float from place to place in the province, mostly last minute, travelling like a gypsy on the account of my career.  One thing that always concerns me, is the optics of this.  As a Sihing, and a member of the I Ho Chuan team I feel it important to lay out a good example to my fellow training partners, and showing regular attendance is important. Coming to San Shou class this past week was a bit disheartening, as the attendance was really low. 

I take partial blame for the poor attendance this past week in the San Shou class as I have not been there for a couple weeks while working in Medicine Hat. I think every student should notice that there decisions to miss class will ALWAYS have an effect on their training partners.  Maybe it is as simple as a missed opportunity to try a technique on a particular partner, or maybe as influential as your attendance is driving the motivation of another student. In any case, every student has influence and contributes synergy to that class!

I want to help motivate the San Shou group through a couple points on why I think the San Shou class is critical to my training.

 

1.       I am 0.001% of the population that has the opportunity to spar with black belts in a controlled learning environment.  I say take advantage of this rare opportunity whenever possible!

2.       I am learning very functional self-defence techniques by taking things progressively.

3.       I enjoy how the class can push my comfort to the next level without going beyond my ability.  This is teaching me to deal with fear and adrenaline and learn to overcome with calm and control.

4.       I have never come out of a San Shou class without a sense of accomplishment.  (Quite often that accomplishment comes in the form of a stiff dose of humility!)

5.       I admire that I can learn so much from every student at any belt level.

Now in Medicine Hat

This past week I have been in Medicine Hat for work, and won’t be back until the middle of next week.  Up for 19 hours consistently through the week I am being forced to multi-task.  I have:

-Brushed my teeth while completing situps (Not recommended and neither is shaving)

-Performed portions of Lau Gar in the shower

-Held a horse stance while pumping gas

-Completed pushups in a hard hat and cover-alls

-Taped a print out of Mastery on my clip board.

-Taken out several pillow targets with my bokken.

 

What this lacks is mindful practice of Kung Fu, but for this week, it is better than nothing.

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Leader or Lemming

I have green hair, a purple jumpsuit, and seem to be 2 dimensional.  I am following a large group of individuals that look exactly like me.  We walk, and continue to walk in unison.  The guy behind nor in front knows why we are walking.  Up ahead is a cliff, and at the bottom is a wavy lake of doomish liquid.  The first of the group steps off the cliff and falls.  Nope;  can’t swim and soon disappears into the bubbling mass.  The next in the group follows the previous and steps off the ledge.  Nope; Also not a swimmer. 

LEMMINGS. 

Here I am trapped in a computer game popular in the early nineties.  I continue to walk to the edge of the cliff.  One lemming after another falls from the cliff, my turn is coming, but wait! The mastermind sits in front of the screen, takes a big sip from a slurpy and moves the mouse so the arrow hovers over the lemming in front of me.  With a swift click of a button the lemming in front is converted to a ‘builder’ and begins laying out a path of bricks in front of us.  Hooray, me and my fellow lemmings are saved!

The black belt ceremony and Chinese New Year banquet was bitter sweet.  For much of the year I was out of town and unable to be a part of the various demo’s that went on through the year.  The lack of public performance exposure, teamed with jumping into a big demonstration with individuals I was connected with only through blog posts was frightening.  But just when my fate seemed destined for a large fall into a bubbling mass of ooze, out came the unexpected leadership within the group.  This is what you can’t recognize in a team when you are mostly absent. It was awesome to see how the development of the I Ho Chuan team through the year caused leadership to manifest in people you would expect, and others you would not.  I am really anxious to see the Snake team this year grow from the experience and can’t wait to see leaders rise from lemmings

90 degree turn to uselessness

Ernest Shackleton had it, Ferdinand Magellan likely, Anthony Henday, certainly had it.  This uncanny ability to navigate; likely the result of a process of land-marking, memory and visualization.  These are the fellas you hope to have on your soccer team when your plane crashes in the Andes.  Well maybe not Shackleton, I heard he could eat like a horse.

Following the tournament and a noticeable struggle with my hand forms as of late, I have realized that I am a very directionally oriented individual.  While this is great when finding your way out of the woods by compass, stars, or sun, it isn’t a favourable trait when learning a form such as Lao Gar.  I am currently working on my visualization when performing the form in my head, trying to concentrate on the feel of the body and its harmonization rather than land-marking.  We will see where this takes me.

Hard Work

  A couple weeks ago I was invited to head out back country skiing for the first time in many years.  So I dusted off the Telemark skiis and headed to the mountains.  A couple of good friends were the only company, and this was chicken soup for the soul.  No T-bars, no high speed quad chairs.  Skiing in this fashion is a great deal about solitude, but it is also about cherishing the few turns you complete in a day.  Something that comes as the result of hard work is always more gratifying.

This got me thinking.  Would I be involved in Kung Fu if it did not come as a result of hard work?  And if the sense of accomplishment is the driving force, then why is it an effort to commit to the work?  Something about the fact that if it were easy, everyone would do it, and if everyone did it, the accomplishment would no longer be special then would it?

Reflection

One year in the I Ho Chuan certainly does not quantify a person as a veteran, but….

I sure feel more at ease going into the year of the snake.  That is for several reasons, but the first has to be a change in my attitude regarding its approach.  Sihing Lowry in her last post wrote about guilt, and I would like to explore this a bit because it is a really reoccurring theme with nearly every person I have trained with.  I find it strange that the guilt emotion can have such influence on my decisions regarding my training but yet I have never put more than two seconds thought into the deeper roots of the matter.  That is probably because it is of the less desirable of human emotions.

As martial artists we are training and developing life habits that compliment a healthy body and mind.  Healthy body and mind is why I do Kung Fu.  To me, healthy body and mind are the two factors attributed to quality of life.  Therefore, guilt that positively fuels these two basic requirements is positive in nature. Guilt that knags at you while you dive into the Frito Lays and watch Jerry Springer on late night TV for example.  Nobody can argue this.  However, things get a little gray when it comes to two opposing opportunities that are both positive in nature, and both mean a net benefit to the quality of life.  Take for example your child’s music recital and a Kung Fu demo practice for instance.  Aha, nothing like going for the throat, eh!

I am sure my way of thinking is far different from many that I train with, but in my opinion, setting my limits, guided by moral obligation and according to a hierarchy of what is crucial for maintaining my healthy body and mind, is important to me.  I mention this in my flavours page, but my hierarchy is this; My Faith, My Family, My Kung Fu, and in that order.  To me, my spirituality is number one.  My purpose and reason for existence is core in this.  Following this is my family.  For most people this is really more selfish than it seems.  Much of the purpose of family revolves around our personal need for love, or the need to have a sense of worth and purpose.  While this is true in most circumstances I don’t believe all we do for our families is for selfish reasons.  Why else would a parent give there life for a loved one?  That goes against the entire theory of self preservation. 

Anyway, back from the digression.  What I have realized is that in order for my Kung Fu to be successful, the other two elements have got to be in order first. If my decisions are made with the purpose of best maintaining that hierarchy then I really cannot see a reason for guilt.  That does not mean that every dance recital will trump every Kung Fu demo because it technically falls higher in the hierarchy.  I see it as three jugs with holes in the bottom.  A line is drawn on the outside of each container.  The Faith container just has the line drawn higher to the top than the other two.  Add water to each container and maintain the level according to the line, this is balance.  There is only one way however to determine the current level of the water. 

REFLECTION.  To me this means communication and observation.  Communicating with my family, understanding where they are at and their impressions of my current assignment of my resources.  Is the impact of my absence noticeable on my kids, and at what level is my physical health negatively affecting their wellbeing.

I believe if a person continually reflects on the aspects of their life, assesses which levels need tending to most, then make sound decisions based on what you have found, well then there is no need for guilt.

Early at the start of the year, I was making decisions without reflection.  Decisions were rather based on gut feel of where things were sitting, and resulted without communication with my wife, assessment of my spiritual or mental state, or assessment of my children’s performance and wellbeing.  This would be like doing a number of push-ups and sit-ups everyday but never counting, and never keeping journal of it.  Guessing based on how sore your arms are is not a good substitute.  The same goes for personal relationships, your career etc.  I am starting to take time to assess the level of the water within the jugs.  Based on that measurement (reflection) I find I can more easily justify why the Kung Fu demo is as important as the recital in a particular circumstance.  If you have a basis for your decision rather than gut feel, I find guilt less of a factor.

I am going to think more on the issue of balance, until then, I will close this very rambling blog.